In my life I have come through four decades of music. This existential parallel force has been ever present in the background. It has shaped me and imbued me with its power, helping me to grow into who I am today. As part of that evolution, I have not just enjoyed the music itself, but been exposed to the words of the songs. Often I play music that I enjoy over and over again. It is, in a way a form of audio self-stimulation or stimming, that autistic people like myself often indulge in. It helps me to relax, recharge my energies and to re-focus my mind.
As Autistics, we need this relaxation in some form at the end of our day, more than neurotypicals do. Having to experience a lot of stress from social situations, our sensory environment, or unexpected things disrupting the regular rhythm of life can all leave us very weak at the end of the day, both mentally and physically.
Some parents of autistic children often wonder out loud to me why their kids come home from school and kick off. Their teachers say that at school they seem to be model students, polite and passive. Yet when they see their parents they may become angry at the drop of a hat, aggressive, rude or emotional and tearful. I have to explain to them that these are all ways of releasing the pent up stresses and emotions that have built up during the day. When we reach the familiar safe haven of our home, we can finally let go. We can take of the masks that we have to wear during the day, whether at school or at work.
Often when that mask comes off, we let down all of our defences. All of our frustration and pain at stresses of the day then comes flooding out. This is not a bad thing, it is a necessary one. I tell parents that they need to understand that this is a necessary thing. This is not an attack on them. Their children are doing this because they are in a place of safety and with someone they feel they can trust. They are mentally drained and exhausted. Often they are not able to express their pain in any other form and must release it in order to regulate their bodies and to regain their strength and sense of balance. If left alone for enough time and allowed to follow our own pursuits, we will be able to recover from the slings and arrows of the day. If we are not allowed this time to rest, then much more serious burn out can occur. This can be very distressing and take much longer to recover from.
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