The road to Acceptance - How it all began...

The journey began with my son’s diagnosis. He is Autistic. When he was tiny, I had no idea what that meant.  I have parented him alone since he was 6 months old. Often people would remark on how it seemed I could anticipate his needs and understand him so easily, when others didn't. He cannot talk, so I couldn't ask him what his struggles were. Yet, I could always quickly figure it out. Over time, it slowly dawned on me that we shared so much. An appreciation of the sensory world and our different places on the same spectrum. 

It opened my mind to understanding and what we will simply call here: acceptance. Always my mental metaphorical feet took one more step forward, preparing for the dawn of my awakening.
My quest didn’t just end with my son, but turned my attention ever inward, towards the shining light of truth. I began to think for myself. To lift the veil that had been placed across my eyes. To form my own ideas, instead of blindly believing what I had been told. 

I perceived the protective bubble that my well-meaning parents had woven around my youth. All they had done to support me, to fill in the gaps in my abilities, which most others automatically possess.
To their generation disability was something of a taboo. Even medical understanding of Autism was in its infancy. The term referred to learning disabilities of the most severe nature. A negative stereotype that I clearly did not fit into. The idea of a spectrum had not yet entered into the public consciousness.

I struggled with education and was thought to be a late starter. But all through the years I was always way behind my peers. I was so unaware of my place in the world that when teachers labelled me as lazy, I just accepted it. As I did not know of an alternative I didn't challenge them. 
Now I can see it all so clearly. The childhood friendships forged by my mum at the school gates, because I could not. The later family outings every weekend, compensating for a world without friends or even much family. Everything at last makes sense. 

With the discovery of my Autistic self and my appreciation of it, I have come full circle. I have found a place in the world more different than I could have ever suspected. A rush of relief that there is a reason for the difficulties after all. Releasing the burden of all my guilt and self-blame. Acceptance has arrived, within and without. I can embrace my identity and show it to others without shame. Now, I have discovered my true self. Finally, I know myself and I feel at home in my own skin.